alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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