i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
