yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
