honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
