I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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