Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
