Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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