I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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