it hurts more in the daytime
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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