He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
