unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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