Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
