ya dads aren't the best wingmen
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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