Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
