why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how does that bad decision feel?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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