so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
