1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
