pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
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Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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