note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize