I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
