I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
