y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
