My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
