Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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