the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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