I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
