sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
