i would punch a child for taco bell
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
