My liver just broke up with me...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
