ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize