The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
