Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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