just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
