there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
