Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
