I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this just has baby written all over it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
