Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
