a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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