This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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