exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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