how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
