Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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