I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
