I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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