Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
