Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
