I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
as a side note pls kill me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
