just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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