Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
