You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
