It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
