I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
