I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
