he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize