I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
