paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
