is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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