Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
