Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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