If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
