Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
