I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
