Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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