just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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