You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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