ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
