Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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