Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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