Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
