I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
