Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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