no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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