There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
