Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
