were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
